Their Little Hero
by TeamUnitedNerds
Summary: Marceline and Princess Bubblegum adopt Finn


Marceline was strolling through the woods, with both hands in the pocket of her jacket, and her face curled into an apathetic frown. It was nighttime, and the sky was pure black, and without any moon or stars to light the ground beneath her. She would have probably tripped a lot over the rocks and roots below her, if she wasn't floating a solid inch above the ground. She sighed, but the sound of her sighing was overshadowed by a large shrieking noise.

"What the gunk?" she mumbled. She decided to float towards the noise. Whatever it was couldn't possibly hurt her. She was a badass vampire, after all. The air was also filled with a terrible stench. And as anyone in Ooo knows, a terrible stench, with the addition of a loud noise meant that a monster was probably in your midst.

And maybe killing a monster was just what she needed to take her mind off of her issues. She passed through a few trees, and found the source of the noise.

It was a small, pale, squishy child, laying on a leaf. The small human's body thrashed around wildly, as it continued to emit horrific screams.

"Ugh, I have vampire hearing, you don't need to yell" Marceline grumbled, floating over to the child. She lifted him up off the leaf, and examined him. "Ugh, he smells like…"

She stopped herself before she could complete that sentence. "What's a baby like you doing in the forest?" she said, looking at it closer, particularly its pale skin, and she realized.

"Holy stuff" she mumbled. "Are you what I think you are? Bonnie needs to see this"

Her face scrunched up after she said "Bonnie"

"Ugh, whatever" she said. She cradled the baby in her arms, trying her best not to touch it. She ascended into the sky, with the baby in her arms, making her best effort not to drop it, although some part of her would have found a baby splattering all over the ground entertaining.

She continued flying, until she could spot the Candy Kingdom in the distance, slowly coming closer as she flew towards it. She landed gracefully at the door to the palace, and pounded on it lightly. "Hey, it's Marcy" she said.

Peppermint Butler opened the door, wearing a black shirt, and what would have been described as "Emo hair" if such a term had survived the war. His arms were crossed apathetically, and he had two piercings underneath his lip. "Pepbut, what's with the gettup?" Marceline said, laughing.

"It's supposed to express the darkness in my soul" he said. "You of all people should understand how that feels"

Marceline laughed harder. "You are such a wannabe"

"Whatever" he said

"Can you just let me in? I need to see Bububs like now"

Peppermint Butler stepped to the side.

"Thanks" she said. She wandered aimlessly around the halls of the palace for a few minutes. The baby had fallen asleep in her arms, which was good, since the last thing she needed was the entire palace waking up because of her.

She finally came to a pink door, with the words "Princess Bubblegum" engraved into it. She pounded on it.

From within, Princess Bubblegum sluggishly dragged herself from her bed, and hobbled over to the door, her eyes squinted and her back hunched over. She pushed it open lazily. "Ugh, Marcy?" she said, yawning. "I told you to only visit me during the day. I need my Princess Sleep so I can function"

"Oh yeah, I forgot that people have to sleep" she said. "So, do you want to know why I woke you up?"

Princess Bubblegum rubbed her eyes. "Kisses are closed after 10 p.m. We went over this"

"No!" she said, holding out the baby, which Princess Bubblegum couldn't quite see in the low light. "Ugh, I can't see what you're holding" she rubbed her eyes again. "Did you fart or something?"

"No, I found this baby in the forest that pooped on itself"

She rubbed her eyes again.

"Wait!" Marceline yelled, flicking on the light.

"Ugh, you're gonna blind me" PB moaned.

Her eyes finally adjusted to the light.

"Look!" Marceline said. "A real human"

Princess Bubblegum transformed entirely from tired mode to extreme science mode. She took the baby out of her hands, and examined it. She took off its hat, ran a hand through his short, golden hair, which was remarkably thick and healthy for someone his age. and turned him upside down a few times. Finally, she poked both of his cheeks, causing him to giggle and thrash around with glee. She stared at him with utter fascination, and a glow of curiosity and wonder in her eyes. "Yeeeeees" she whispered to herself. She plucked a single strand from his head while distracting his gaze with her finger.

"I don't know how you did it, Marcy, but you found a human. This is a revelation"

"So does this mean that kisses are open extra hours?"

She rolled her eyes, and kissed her on the cheek. "Joke's on you" PB said. "I just touched a poo baby"

Marceline shrugged. "So did I. So, when are you going to dissect it?"

"Not at all" she said. "I'm going to use the hair I acquired to try and clone him, or at least analyze human DNA. I need you to take him and keep him alive until I finish my experiment. Do you think you could handle that?"

Marceline grinned, pushing her fangs over her lips to make her smile even more mischievous. "It's almost like we have a kid of our own, isn't it?"

"I suppose it is" she handed the baby over to Marceline. "Give it a bath as soon as possible. I don't want poo smell all over my castle"

She took the baby, and nodded, flying out of her window.

She arrived back at her house, a large tree fort in the middle of a field. She flew into the bathroom window, laying the child down in the bathtub immediately. "Alright, it's time to scrub the stink off of you"

She tried to hold her nose, but instead decided that shapeshifting her nose out of existence was a better strategy. She turned the water on, stopping when it reached about an inch in height. "Alright, try not to drown" she said, taking a music magazine from the side of the sink and reading it, glancing only occasionally to make sure he hadn't died.

When she looked up, she saw that the baby had pulled himself up out of the bathtub with remarkable strength, and had stood himself on a basket of clothes. He began dancing and singing "I'm a buff baby that can dance like a man-"

Before he could finish, Marceline lifted him up, and plopped him back into the water. "No" she said, grumbling and returning to her reading. Only moments later, he had climbed out again. "Alright, mommy's not playing around anymore"

Her body twisted, and convulsed, as her skin liquefied, and morphed itself into a stretchy, shiny black substance, like rubber. She became a mass of writhing, oily tentacles, centered around a single, circular mass like an unholy black sun. A pair of tentacles shot out, and grabbed the child, forcing him back into the bathtub, while the others turned the knobs on the bath, filling it up all the way. She dunked the child in, and pulled him back up, several times. She dragged herself into the tub with him, the water spilling out over the sides and onto the floor. She took a deep breath, and allowed the baby to stay surfaced.

To her surprise, he was grabbing at her tentacles, tugging on them, and splashing around happily. Marceline smiled, or at least, she would have smiled, if she was not currently in the form of a ungodly abomination from the darkest depths of the ocean.

"You're really a handful" she said.


End file.
